Someone, Somewhere - Really?!

About a month ago, my first ever published work went online for DW's blog Women Talk Online.
 

Because birthdays are a perfect time to recall of experiences and lessons that life brings along, what could be a better time than today to re-post this on my blog. A first in its history, the blog is going to post written out of experiences of a purely personal kind.
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As I pick my tablet, the glass surface reflects back a familiar face. A “been there, seen that” expression has crept in. Wisdom has arrived, a little each day.

I am completing my last year in the twenties next month, and if I were to ask everyone for their reactions, they’d see me as unsettled- unsettled in a womanly way, without marriage or children. Having a job for which I had slogged from my kindergarten days until around my twenty first birthday is a side-dish: good to have, but not all that important.

Over time, I have realized that marriage in India is not seen as a choice you make, or a chance that you stumble upon. It is a rule you have to live by, whether you believe in it or not.

Today, I shall tell you about the lessons I learnt during my encounters with six potential husbands.

Candidate One - was at a time which now seems like ages ago. I was still a junior at work, struggling to find my feet in an industry steeped in recession. I met him when both our families were present. I was in traditional attire holding a tea tray (yes, it is difficult to believe that it indeed was me) and as you may have guessed, there was hardly any time to talk or get to know or for that matter, even get comfortable. Forced to give an answer based on the brief five-minute encounter, a “No” from my end seemed like the easiest escape. No one involved, including my mother, was amused. 

Lesson: I need more time than five straight minutes to decide on my life partner. 

Candidate Two - was at the oh-so-right-age of 25. Everything seemed right at the surface, the background, the education, the flair. Only the guy was a suffering from commitment phobia and it took too many meetings to figure it out. 

Lesson: Just because someone is meeting potential partners, does not mean they really are ready for marriage. Spot the phobic ones early. 

Candidate Three - met him through our familiar circle- very sharp and sophisticated, but totally self-obsessed. Thankfully, did not take long for me to figure this one out. I think it was our second meeting, when he ordered a dessert, only for himself, totally forgetting he was not dining alone. 

Lesson: While a knight in shining armor is what we may really want, compassion is what takes life through, especially when two people are not in love. 

 

Candidate Four - never met him in person. This is how the phone call went:

He – When can we meet?
I – Saturday?
He – I was wondering if we can meet on a weekday, en-route to work.
I – (Really!) Hmm, sure.
I suggest a place.
He – Oh, that place is off-route.
I – Ok, then you tell me where we should meet.
Suggests a place near the Metro station.
I (deflated) – Ok, I ‘ll see you there at 7.
He – Can’t make it before 8 30.
I – Silence (already made up my mind against him)
He – Hello, you there?
I – I don’t think this will work out. 

Lesson: Being liberal in “bigger” aspects like education, work and responsibilities is the easier part. It is the smaller, everyday things which matter. 

Candidate Five - was three hours away by flight from where I stay, he was good, but not good enough to leave my whole life behind. 

Lesson: Just because I am a woman, does not mean I am really ready to leave my life behind. 

Candidate Sixx - knew him since our days at school. There was hardly anything to think about, or doubt. Only, our horoscopes did not match.

Lesson: No one wants to take a risk, when it is about a lifetime. If the stars call it a bad match, it is for the best to believe so. 

The last lesson surprises me, as much as it makes me smile. Like the famous Indian actress Shabana Azmi says in her movie, Fire,”We’re so bound by customs and rituals. Somebody just has to press my button, this button marked tradition, and I start responding like a trained monkey.”

The latest I hear is that it will happen when it has to.

I wonder who has asked the world assume that it matters. May be deep within, it doesn’t.

Celebrity Weddings through the decades

Rajesh Khanna - Dimple Kapadia

One of the most glamorous faces that the Indian film industry has seen, Dimple Kapadia tied knot with the then Superstar of Indian Cinema, Rajesh Khanna in a private ceremony in March 1973. Dimple was not 16 yet, and Rajesh Khanna had still not seen a flop. Destiny, of course had some other plans. Though the couple have two daughters out of the wedlock, Rajesh Khanna's career saw a steep downfall post marriage, and the marriage too failed. The couple separated, and remained so until Rajesh Khanna's death in 2012. This is a sneak peak of their wedding and reception day. Ain't Dimple making a very  beautiful bride.

Amitabh Bachchan-Jaya Bahaduri & Abhishek Bachchan-Aishwarya Rai

Bachchans across the generations - Amitabh Bachchan and Jaya Bahaduri tied the knot on June 3, 1973. In the picture, you see the traditions of a traditional Hindi wedding, with Jaya looking a just-right, non-glamorous, yet very radiant bride. Though Amitabh Bachhan was linked with several of his co-stars, not to forget his many years long relationship with Rekha, the marriage stands strong as a rock till date.

To the right is a snapshot of their son, Abhishek Bachchan getting wed to India's first Miss World Aishwarya Rai some 34 years later, on April 20, 2007. The media attention the pair had by this time was full blown, and the tabloids played every nitty-gritty detail pertaining to the wedding for months altogether.

Dharmendra - Hema Malini

On May 2, 1980, Hema Malini created history. Despite being India's dream girl, she married Dharamendra, 20 years her senior, legally married, and father to two young sons. Rumour has it that his first wife's brother tried to shoot him immediately after he wed Hema. The couple have two daughters out of the wedlock, but the situation seemed very ironic when some years earlier, Dharamendra declared that he was legally married to only one woman, which is Prakash Kaur (first wife).

Ajay Devgan - Kajol

On February 24, 2009, at the peak of her career as an actress, Kajol married Ajay Devgan, her long time fiancee. Huge criticism followed, not only because the two had contrasting personalities, but had a very stark difference in the kind of fan following each had. The pair has, since then, been going strong in their life with each other, proving everyone wrong. Dressed as a Maharashtrian bride, I fell in love with Kajol's simple look for her d-day, specially her choice of color away from the red family.

Rishi Kapoor - Neetu Singh & The Saifeena Wedding

Neetu Singh and Rishi Kapoor are seen on their wedding, held on January 22, 1980. 32 years later, Rishi Kapoor's niece Kareena Kapoor tied knot with the Nawab of Pataudi, and actor Saif Ali Khan. Kareena Kapoor is one of the most glamorous and successful actress in Bollywood today. Saif is ten years her senior, and this is his second marriage. He was previously married to Amrita Singh, and has two children out of his first marriage. Largely criticized by the media, the Saifeena wedding was held on October 16, 2012, and a closely guarded event. Because the marriage was inter-religion, the two had a registered marriage first, followed by a reception and a ceremonial nikah. In the picture, you see Kareena and Saif after the registered wedding and Saif saying his wows to Kareena during the Nikaah. Kareena is wearing Saif's heirloom gharara (his grandmother's) for the nikah.

October was all about the Saifeena (aka Saif and Kareena) wedding before the loss of Yash Chopra and Jaspal Bhatti was seen. I could not do a post on the Saifeena wedding in time, so thought to make up giving a full blown post on many celebrity weddings, this time there is a bonus bullet, as we covered sixx plus one weddings in the feature.

Also, with this post, AllThingsSixx enters into its third month. Yayy!

P.S. - The information provided in this post has been sourced from all over the world wide web with the help of Google. Though I have made quite some effort to ensure that the information is correct, please let me know in case you find a discrepancy, and I will be happy to make any corrections.

ingredients for the happily-ever-after

• The first secret of an everlasting relationship is trust. A marriage without it can easily crumble easily. Respect your partner's views even when they are different from yours.

• Unpack the gunnysacks read unexpressed frustrations by opening the communication lines asap.

• Observations at office and social gatherings may lead you to believe that they are having all the fun.Rather than wallow, devote your time and  energy to rekindle the good time between you and  your partner and genuinely love them.

• Criticize, Compliment -  Criticism attacks a whole person, the core identity of an individual. Just like you, no one wants to feel that they are under constant attack. Be polite and tell the strengths and weakness of the one you are with.

• Love his family, like family because finding your love is one thing, and getting his family to like you a totally another. The in laws play a prominent role in any marriage. Make sure not to make your spouse choose between yourself and rest of the family.

• Have a strong faith that things would work out and always believe that your relationship is a gift from God that needs to be respected. Don't undermine the power of prayer.

This is the first guest post on this blog, coming in from a family member, my Bhabhi (sister-in-law in Hindi, brother's wife). Dear Bhabhi, Welcome! She is fondly known as Rimpy. :-)